Why you don’t need Gab’s talent to be a great talker

Having a good conversation is one of life’s underrated joys. How can we have more? Here are three research-backed suggestions from psychologists to help you improve your conversation skills.

#1.be a better listener

Be a good listener Becoming a good talker seems like a no-brainer. But is there a clear path to improving your listening skills?

Psychologists think there is – and it is related to Develop more humility.

Specifically, build interpersonal humility by:

  • Acknowledge the strengths and contributions of others
  • Open to feedback and constructive criticism
  • And, always be guided by the needs of others

According to psychologist Michal Lehmann, poor listening can negatively impact the quality of a person’s relationships with others.

“Not listening to our friends or significant other means little knowledge about their lives and less engagement, which affects the quality of those relationships,” he said.

To be a good listener, Lyman also urges you not to be afraid of silence.

“People are often intimidated or embarrassed by the silence in conversations,” he said. “Quiet moments are essential to building a good conversation. Keep yourself silent and let the other person speak.”


“People are often reluctant to set aside a lot of time for a conversation because they worry that they will be left speechless and that their conversation will become dull or awkward as a result,” said Dr. Michael Cardas, a researcher at Northwestern University.

A study by Kardas asked pairs of strangers to talk to each other. The researchers monitored conversations and even paused every few minutes to assess their status.

“After the first few minutes of the conversation, people tend to say they’re enjoying it, but they also say that as the conversation goes on, they think they’ll run out of topics and the conversation will become less enjoyable,” Cardas said. . .

But when the participants were prompted to continue their conversation, they found more material to talk about and enjoyed the rest of the conversation more than they expected.

Cardas thus concludes that people are too quick to have good conversations — erroneously assuming that conversations lasting more than a few minutes are perceived by their conversation partners as boring.

“The longer the conversation goes on, the more people get to know each other, and the more meaningful those conversations tend to become,” he said. “These findings show us that people can allocate more time than usual to conversations because they’re less likely to finish talking or get bored with the conversation as quickly as they think.”

#3.Expose yourself to art

Psychologist Katherine Cotter swears that artistic exposure has a positive effect on your mental health. In addition to improving our quality of life and reducing stress and cortisol levels, art museums can help us find and build community.

“The art museum is a space where people can feel connected and less isolated, and can be used as a way to build community,” she said. “At a time when many countries are talking about the loneliness epidemic, going to art museums could be a way to help us fight loneliness and isolation.”

According to Cotter, artistic exposure can lead to better conversations in two ways:

  1. When visiting an art museum, we can experience something called the “museum effect.” When we enter a museum, we are able to enter a state of heightened contemplation that allows us to reflect on ourselves, the community to which we belong, and society more generally. This state automatically allows us to have deeper, more meaningful conversations.
  2. Art museums are unique spaces that, for most of us, we don’t visit often. When we do get a chance to visit a museum, it’s easy to feel transported and put aside our day-to-day worries, just to be present in the experience. During a visit, we may lose track of time or find ourselves preoccupied with a particular job. This may help us get out of our insecurities and keep the conversation going, rather than shortening it for fear of running out of topics to talk about.

in conclusion: Good conversations are mostly about striking a healthy balance between giving and receiving. Thinking you have to host a show or be a permanent listener can lead to unsatisfactory conversations. Perhaps the best advice is to take a deep breath, don’t think too much, and dive in!

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