Some people just have Horrible Characteristics That Turn People Off that no one wants to be around. Everyone has something valuable to contribute; as the adage says. On the other hand, for other people, it happens when they leave the room. Is the reception warm when you enter, or do they cheer as you leave?
Here are the five worst personality flaws that drive others away, along with the tests you can take to see if you exhibit them and the steps you can take to permanently correct them.
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You Bring People Down.
The likes of these are familiar to all of us. They want to share every aspect of the misery in their lives with you and constantly moan and groan about it.
- Who’s Being Negative
How can you tell if it’s you who’s being negative? Focus on the subject you mention most often in your conversations. Did you start this morning’s meeting by saying how slow the commute had been? Did you make it a point to inform individuals around you that you didn’t get much sleep the night before, that you’re working long and hard hours, or that you’re really busy?
Complaining or Negativity
You’re probably a bit of a downer to be around if your continuous conversational subject is complaining or negativity. Take note of the topics that tend to kick off your conversations with your peers, and if they tend toward whining, try switching things up. When those around you sigh heavily whenever you come close or always say “uh-huh,” you may be sure they’d rather avoid any kind of interaction with you.
What can be done to prevent this? Despite its apparent simplicity, this is surprisingly difficult to resolve. The obvious solution is to just refrain from discussing matters that bring you down and bring down those around you. Before you even think about venting your displeasure, give it a try to first focus on the positive. Focus on something lovely to share with your friends while you wait in traffic. Don’t bring up the fact that you didn’t get much shut-eye. If someone comments that you look exhausted, you can respond in a positive manner by saying something like, “Yeah, I didn’t get a tone of sleep, but wait until I show you how wonderful the project proposal is that I got done!”
You need to look for the bright side because there is always one. You need to track it down and attempt to redirect the dialogue once you do.
You Just Would Not Be Quiet.
How often do you find yourself in the company of someone who just won’t shut up? Someone in authority, in the workplace, or on a flight may have provided that inspiration. It’s not uncommon to feel like you’re floating aimlessly in the ocean as a tidal wave of words is being hurled at you from all directions. The constant barrage of idle chatter makes you want to take a deep breath, hold on for dear life, and endure.
Monopolies a Discussion and the Reactions
When you’re in the ocean, how do you know if you’re the dreaded wave? You should pay attention to the amount of time your monopolies a discussion and the reactions you get from others. Like when you’re a negative person, people avoid you when you talk too much. They may avoid eye contact or react with a brief “uh-huh” to avoid further conversation.
People Tend to Stand?
When conversing with you, do people tend to stand? If they’re standing up, it’s another signal that they want to leave quickly or aren’t eager to sit down and talk to you. If you discover that you dominate most meetings and conversations by talking at people rather than with them, guess what? You must find a way to control your excessive babbling.
But the good news is that there’s a simple people tend to stand?: just shut up! If you tend to talk a lot, that can be challenging. It’s good advice to learn to keep your mouth shut for longer. It’s helpful to take turns talking and listening during meetings. Give everyone a chance to have their say by giving them a chance to speak. If you’re worried about being too loud and drowning out the conversation, try counting to three in your thoughts before you open your mouth.
You can break this bad behavior (and possibly regain many friends as a consequence) with consistent effort.
You are Distracted
We all need to get things done, but if you’re that person who constantly talks, texts, and emails on your phone while other people are attempting to have a conversation with you, have dinner with you, or conduct a meeting in which you’re present, you’re going to get ignored. In general, that is a despised bad habit.
- Who is Easily Distracted
What signs can you look for to determine if you, yourself, are the one who is easily distracted? It’s a good indicator that you’re not paying attention to the people around you. When you and everyone else in a meeting or conversation suddenly look up, is everyone else on their phones or computers? If you find yourself continuously sidetracked by technology, consider having dinner or a business meeting without bringing any electronic devices.
While it may be challenging to put down your phone or computer, doing so can help you build the strong personal interactions that are essential to your happiness. Put down the dirty distraction device and spend time with real people, paying them the respect they deserve.
You’re Talking Down to People Like Me, Which is Rude.
What’s more inspiring, even if you know more than other people, is showing them how to reach to your level or talking down to them about theirs? A condescending attitude is a bad habit that will drive people away.
If you’re not sure if you’re being condescending, how do you know? Most of the time, it can be found in people other than yourself. Exactly what does that imply? Consider the number of people whose lives you’ve impacted positively thanks to your presence in theirs. Can you say that you are a mentor to others around you? Have you ever developed others around you to teach them what you know, or helped them acquire new skills, knowledge, or employment opportunities? How many individuals do you think would come to you if they had a question or needed assistance with something?
Think about the impact your actions have on those around you. Should you assist them, or should you patronize them? Do you give advice when you aren’t asked for it (a sure sign of arrogance that you feel the need to tell people what to do and how to do it)? If you find yourself falling into these patterns, try shifting your tone and point of view.
Don’t give counsel until you’re being asked for it. If you’re asked for advice, give it, but don’t stray too far from the subject at hand. Rather than berating someone the next time they make a mistake, try teaching them instead.
You’ll need patience, a love for education, and empathy to kick this terrible habit.
You Lack Authenticity.
Fakes are easier to spot than ever before in the eyes of the public. To not have the same views as the majority is not necessarily a bad thing. There is no need to pretend or be dishonest about your feelings or the feelings of others. It’s preferable to be honest and kind than than fake.
The insecurity that comes from needing everyone to like them is usually the root cause of insincerity, while arrogance is another common reason.
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Here are some telltale signs that your lack of authenticity stems from insecurity. Do you fear that others won’t like you if you have a different opinion or say no sometimes? Is it the norm for you to always accept the status quo? In reality, most individuals are able to tolerate and even appreciate the presence of diverse points of view and respectful disagreement. You need not be rude or aggressive to express your thoughts, but it is OK to sincerely hold a different viewpoint.
To stop being a contrarian, the best thing to do is to stop giving your viewpoint. If someone tells you something with which you strongly disagree, try responding with a neutral phrase like “that’s fascinating” until you gain the courage to be genuine.
Stop agreeing or pretending to agree with things you don’t want to do, don’t believe in, or otherwise aren’t really behind. If you do things slowly at first, you will be able to break this habit.